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WHAT ARE THE BEST SEX POSITIONS FOR BETTER SLEEP?

The results are in and the winner is doggy style.
Many have often wandered how to get a better night’s sleep and whether a quick shag or taking one up the ass gives you a better overall night’s sleep. At last, the scientists have conducted an extensive experiment to provide us with the answer we need. Urban myth has long had it that knocking one out/having a quick jerk helps you get off to sleep at night and that would follow that a full-on fuck resulting in full seminal release would be even better…myth no more as it is now fact as this survey shows. Furthermore, the sex position you do the nasty in has a huge effect on the quality of sleep you get afterwards and is massively beneficial to you overall.

The attached diagram shows you the best and worst sex positions for a better night’s sleep. We apologise for the women in the diagram as this was intrinsically a straight survey but which equally applies to gay sex and to be honest even more so probably as gay men have an awful lot more sex than our straight counterparts. Therefore, we trust you will envision someone like Tom Brady, Tom Daley or Cristiano Ronaldo in the other male role in the diagram to gain full appreciation.

More than 1,600 people had their sleep monitored in a study to see if they slept better following sex. They were told to try out 25 popular sex positions (listed below which you can look up if necessary) over a three-month period to see which ones improved REM sleep. REM sleep is all important and the more you have the better night’s sleep you have…it is a stage of sleep when you dream most vividly…..probably of Ryan Reynolds fucking you hard or Liam Hemsworth getting fisted to the bicep. You cycle through all stages of non-REM and REM sleep several times during the night, with more REM sleep periods towards the morning (which is why you often remember your dreams when you wake up especially the ones where you are forced to blow an entire rugby team post-match with their used jockstraps over your face).

The study by TheDozyOwl.co.uk – a website that gives advice for a better night’s sleep. It found doggy style is the sex position that sends people off to quality sleep the most. and this survey was reported extensively in The Sun newspaper and other Internation press outlets immediately.

After doing doggy, REM made up 33 per cent of participants sleep – a 43 per cent increase on the typical 23 per cent REM each night….noticeably the best result which is useful as it is one of the Top 3 gay sex positions, we all regularly utilise.The lotus position effectively with one guy sat on top of the other  (39 per cent) then the eagle (35 per cent) and the bridge (30 per cent) are among the sex positions that increased REM the most.

However, trying out the corkscrew which is a very energetic sex position before bed has been found to decrease REM sleep the most – by 26 per cent.Horizontal ’69’ sex was also not great as it decreased REM sleep by 22 per cent (Other 69 sex did better), and the spider and standing sex by 17 per cent each.

THE FULL RESULTS FOR EVERY POSITION (SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO BE BUSY ! ) ARE AS FOLLOWS :

What positions were best and worst for sleep?
Data shows the position: how much it increased REM sleep compared to the average of 23 per cent, and total average REM sleep after sex in this position.

Doggy Style: +43 per cent, 33 per cent
Lotus: +39 per cent, 32 per cent
Eagle: +35 per cent, 31 per cent
The Bridge: +30 per cent, 30 per cent
Cowgirl: +26 per cent, 29 per cent
Flatiron: +26 per cent, 29 per cent
The Caboose: +22 per cent, 28 per cent
69: +17 per cent, 27 per cent
Leap Frog: +17 per cent, 27 per cent
G-Whiz: +13 per cent, 26 per cent
Liberated Missionary: +9 per cent, 25 per cent
Reverse Cowgirl: +9 per cent, 25 per cent
Wheelbarrow: +4 per cent, 24 per cent
The Butter Churner: +4 per cent, 24 per cent
Table Top: +4 per cent, 24 per cent
Ballet Dancers: 0 per cent, 23 per cent
Spooning: 0 per cent, 23 per cent 
Magic Mountain: 0 per cent, 23 per cent
Pretzel Dip: –4 per cent, 22 per cent
Missionary: –9 per cent, 21 per cent
Valedictorian: –13 per cent, 20 per cent
The Spider: –17 per cent, 19 per cent
Standing sex: –17 per cent, 19 per cent
Horizontal 69: –22 per cent, 18 per cent
The corkscrew: –26 per cent, 17 per cent

For the record REM sleep should make up just under a quarter of a person’s night sleep. This is considered important because it stimulates parts of the brain involved with memory and learning. What this means is that the more you have Gay Doggy style sex the better your memory and learning capacity will be which is why many of our biggest and most well-known dark rooms can now apply for large monetary grants from their education authorities as it is clear than bum sex makes you more intelligent and this cannot be disproved. So, please increase the amount of anal and oral sex you do asap. Scientists and experts also say it helps to process emotions; basically endless sex is good for you.

Why does sex help with sleep?

The findings showed sex increased men’s REM sleep more than women’s – 12 per cent compared with two per cent. Alex Ion, one of the contributors to TheDozyOwl.co.uk, says this may be because  “women are more mentally stimulated during intercourse than men as we are more physically stimulated. Women, are therefore more likely to be alert after sex, whereas men are typically tired after ejaculation”, they claimed. But it also may come down to the fact women simply don’t orgasm as much as men and the truth is they are many hundreds of thousands of orgasms behind men over a lifetime in this and Gay men are way WAY ahead in orgasm count than straight men too.

Previously research has suggested adults sleep better after climaxing – when a surge of hormones are released. Alex said: “Aside from the physical nature of sex, the primary reason it can increase your REM sleep, is that during intercourse a hormone called oxytocin is released. Also known as the ‘love hormone’, oxytocin lowers cortisol levels [related to stress] in the brain making you feel more relaxed.” As most of us know the more you cum the more relaxed you get. “High levels of cortisol result in anxiety, faster heart rate and ultimately a worse sleep!”

Women can experience a spike in oestrogen in sex, which helps with REM sleep, while men get a surge of prolactin, which causes tiredness, according to Health experts. Sex positions can help stimulate an orgasm, and therefore the release of sleepy hormones. Alex said: “The positions ranking high in this study, such as ‘doggy style’, the ‘lotus’ position and the ‘eagle’, allow for deeper penetration and a greater orgasm, heightening the amount of oxytocin released. This also contributes to women seeing only a two per cent increase in REM compared to men who see a 12 per cent increase, as women are less likely to reach an orgasm during sex.” It’s good to be a guy it seems and even better if you are gay.

In conclusion we would advise you always have gay sex and hopefully doggy style every night before you go to sleep and ensure that you both cum fully – this is 100% for your health and wellbeing and is backed up by science. You will get off to sleep quicker and have much better-quality sleep whilst you are in the land of nod. If you don’t have a partner then at least utilise your Fleshjack or sex toys fully and then after a good night’s sleep you will have a much more productive following day, achieving a lot more until nightfall when you need to expel your demon seed once again in someone’s ass or wherever. The golden rule is never go to sleep with full balls for a better healthier life.

Master

Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.

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