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Tom Cruise’s gayest scenes

#3 All his movies

Tom has been topless in every one of his 50 movies except Valkyrie (see below) and Collateral (where he is clearly out-hunked by Jason Statham). In the 80s, fans joked that Tom Cruise could never keep his shirt on: “Woh! Look its fallen off again”. This is for his female fans we guess, but it does no harm to his gay following either. Anyway, we are not complaining. With Mission Impossible 7 and 8 just announced, we expect one to be subtitled ‘Tom gets some shirt buttons’ and the other ‘Tom buys a belt’. Whatever they are called, expect this guy in his late 50s to get his kit off in both.

#4 South Park

Matt and Trey, the guys behind our favourite irreverent cartoon, have one rule: if you complain about the jokes they make at your expense, they come at you harder in the next episode. In one episode, Tom Cruise runs into a bedroom and hides in a closet for the whole show. Several characters ask repeatedly: “Tom Cruise, will you please come out of the closet?” He screams the same reply each time: “No, I am never coming out!” After complaints from the actor, they featured him again in a later episode. In this one they have Cruise on a production line packing fudge, leading the main characters to note: “Look, Tom Cruise is a fudge packer”. You can’t sue for innuendo. The South Park lads are still out there laying into celebrities such as Trump, Jay Z, Paris Hilton, and others. No doubt they will come back to Tom soon.

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Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.

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