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THE TOP 10 TOM HARDY GAYEST SCENES EVER

Following our features on the gayest Tom Cruise, Arnie, Jason Statham, Game Of Thrones, James Bond etc features (all still available www.Alphatribe.com) we now focus on Mad Max himself super stud Tom Hardy. Currently kicking Bond’s ass like crazy at the box office with more bums on seats as superhero Venom which may on current form be the biggest hit movie of the year….our favourite winner of the TV contest ‘Find A Supermodel’ Hardy is now near the top of every gay man’s fantasy wank bank list. He currently holds the record for the most full-frontal scenes in mainstream movies as his half-Irish man sausage has made an appearance in over 20 films. From his humble first scenes in Ridley Scott’s Black Hawk Down he has hit the stratosphere via Mad Max Fury Road, Inception, Dunkirk, Star Trek Nemesis, Peaky Blinders and of course Batman’s nemesis the hyper muscular gay idol ‘Bane’ in the Dark Knight Rises.

His sexuality is one of the most queried and asked about in Hollywood stemming from his interview with gay magazine ‘Attitude’ often referenced as by Now magazine or the Daily Mail newspaper where he appeared to declare his repeated gay experiences. He said in 2008:

“Of course I have, (…..had gay sex in answer to the reporter’s question….), I’m an actor for fuck’s sake. I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now… it doesn’t do it for me. I’m done experimenting but there’s plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine.”  A short while later after he broke through in Christopher Nolan’s Inception he backtracked slightly although he has never denied the statement that he had sex with men in his teens/twenties when he said to straight magazine ‘Marie Claire’ “‘I have never put my penis in a man, and I’ve never had a cock in my arse, and I have no fucking desire for it. We’ve all got an arsehole and I can imagine.” he said bluntly. As we know from various surveys that about 86% of men Worldwide have had gay experiences and the majority of these are presumably the easier and quicker blow job rather than penetration anyway.

One thing for sure like Statham he sure likes getting nude in his movies as it almost seems they have it in their contracts to show their knobs, arses or chests in at least one scene in every film they sign up for…which of course plays very well indeed with their massive gay fanbase so there is plenty to choose from. This is the Top 10 (Number One is Unbelievable….)


10 LEGEND

The movie where Hardy plays both the infamous gangster Kray twins. Ronnie Kray was homosexual (and there are many commentators who believe Reggie Kray liked some cock too). The film does not shy away from underlying Ronnie’s queerness such as hitting a half-naked restrained and gagged sex slave with a carpet beater but the key moment is Hardy’s most all-time quoted line where he repeatedly says to another guy ‘Give Ron Your Sausage’ over and over again….so nothing queer here and we can move on.


9 WARRIOR

The most famous film made about MMA….Mixed Martial Arts a sport which is colloquially known as ‘Ultimate Pillowbiting’. The sport is hugely popular with gay viewers as it is like wrestling with even more sweat, aggro and muscular body on body action and the film plays up to that. MMA is as queer as fuck and you expect the guys to walk into the ring to Lady Gaga tunes and the commentary to be done throughout by Billy Porter and Michelle Visage. There are so many bouts in this movie plus training etc which gives Hardy the excuse to be shirtless for a solid 2 hours of mano et mano action. He plays former marine Tommy Conlon and we all know that Marines never have gay sex don’t we!!!!!!!


8 BRONSON

His most ‘masculine’ film amongst very severe competition. He plays the UK’s most violent ever criminal known as ‘Charles Bronson’ and it is as queer as fuck. So much butt naked fighting and stomping around slimaxing with a scene where Hardy is again totally nude (yawn!) whilst screaming at a prison officer to ‘Rub that Vaseline into my back and arse you slag ….quicker, quicker, quicker’. His young muscular body greased in war paint is a site to behold and it helps of course we are aware that all prison set movies have a high interest level with gay viewers.


7 VENOM

It is a superhero movie and the lead character played by Hardy has a very distinct costume which has become the number one look for Halloween the last 2 years. It is the most body tight, bulge showing look in the superhero canon which fits well with every fetish superhero fans lycra, neoprene and rubber fetish….and it is in black too furthermore the character has a 14″ tongue to boot which looks like a million sex toys. The plot revolves around Hardys character having another man/male symbiote inside him all the time (He should be so lucky) like most of our readers Friday nights. There are so many articles online titled – How gay is Venom or Is Venom Gay? that you can look up yourself. The director of the sequel and former Gollum actor Andy Serkis describes the movie as “sort of an LGBTQIA kind of festival” and says it’s Venom’s “coming out party” and that the flesh-hungry symbiote delivers a speech about equal rights for aliens that is “speaking for freedom of the other.” Hardy agrees that it does have something to do with gay rights.


6 SGT SLAUGHTER – MY BIG BROTHER

This has an infamous scene where Hardy is entirely naked for 3 very long minutes including full frontals whilst he answers the phone, wanders around a room and jumps on top of another guy. Unfortunately, little Tom does not appear to be very big at all ‘take a look yourself on You Tube’ so it seems you cannot have everything in life…a great face, body and large cock. This is early in his career and we bet the director could not believe his luck when the wannabe rising star agreed to such full on prolongued nudity. We have seen many hardcore gay porn scenes which are shorter and show less than you get here.


5 DRIVEN TO EXTREMES

In this documentary Hardy runs around a snowy landscape naked…as you do, jumps into an icy pool for some skinny dipping…of course, rolls around naked in the snow with other guys…why not? before having his bare ass filmed being beaten by some bushes. All very, very hetero normal indeed.


4 MAD MAX : FURY ROAD

The blockbuster and 4th in the series of the road warrior recast with Hardy in the title role. Obviously, Max’s leather clad look is straight out of a gay berlin dark room or fetish club. This movie breaks the record for the most leather ever which seems in plentiful supply in the future dystopian desert. There are a plethora of writings from endless authors about all the queer subtexts in this movie but you don’t have to be an academic to spot all the leather clad cops, endless leather & studded jocks and harnesses like an oversubscribed Mr S or Mister B January sale and with the citadel filled with everything from fit muscle bears to slender twinks with women massively marginalised this film could be retitled Alphatribe:The Movie – we think we spotted a sling and St. Andrews Cross in the Citadels bowels early on where we are sure there is a very strong smell of poppers and the floors are probably swimming in lube. 


3 THE REVENANT

The Two and a half hour snorefest about fur clad survival where the best performance is given by the bear is a test of most people’s staying power. It did though garner an Oscar nomination for Hardy who plays the baddie here for once but he did not win as we think the bear got the actual trophy that year. Leo DiCaprio that height of masculinity (!) did win though but all Tom got was a tattoo on his bicep of Leonardo DiCaprio’s name…so nothing queer or homoerotic here!!!


2 TABOO

A TV miniseries which was a personal passion project of Hardy’s that was not received universally well and where he initially personally lost a whopping $2.8 Million ( Maybe stick to acting Tom?). Hardy has decaled in the past ‘If in doubt in a drama get naked’ (which is news to Meryl Streep and Daniel Day Lewis’ and he really goes for it here spending huge amounts of the screen time nude resulting in millions of newspaper shots appearing from behind the scenes on location during its period of production. He also insisted on something called ‘Naked Mondays’ (don’t ask!) which we plan to adopt in the Alphatribe office. We may never know whether this personal passion project by the star came about because he wanted to prance around the countryside endlessly ass and cock out whilst being paid but we have our suspicions.


1 ROCKNROLLA

Yet another ganster movie where Hardy portrays a homosexual mobster going by the name of ‘Handsom Rob’. This is yet another entry in the endless sausage fest list of films made by Guy Ritchie. The movies main star is the well-known bisexual Scottish actor Gerard Butler (star of that ‘mega straight’ gladiator film 300!). Hardy plays the hard man of the gang but he has a secret revealed in an unbelievable scene you can watch online now where Tom tells Gerard  in a driving scene ‘I don’t want the (female) strippers…I want you’ to which a curious Butler replies ‘So what do you want to do to me Bob?’ before we cut to a 90 second extended clip of the 2 stars dancing together in a scene which would make all the viewers of Dancing with The Stars/Strictly Come Dancing’s mouths hit the floor in its campness….remember this is a Gangster film supposedly not Brokeback Mountain set in London’s gay village. GO WATCH IT NOW ON YOU TUBE.


Not had enough Tom Hardy flesh then go check out his muscular performance as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises or Stuart:A Life Backwards, Colditz or indeed basically any of his other films and if you can find it his eyeopening Myspace page too especially his junk grabbing pictures in his tighty whiteies which look more like a heavily followed Grindr or Scuff profile. 

Master

Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.

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