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The Donald Trump dildo has arrived

AT LAST

…..not made in chiiiiNA and its gonna be ‘great’ ‘the best ever’ as it comes from the ‘great state of California’ – the perfect item to use as you ‘grab your boyfriend by the pussy’ and work your own Oval Orifice.

The well known gay hating Orange cockwomble has been fucking us all for 3 years and now you sado-masochist fans can do it yourself with the first ever Donald Trump dildo collection…..Make America GAPE Again !.The current small handed, perfect for fisting leader of the free World has now been immortalised as a veined manstick in latex with a great likeness of the fat racist failed business man’s head at the end just where his weird hair quiff can massage your anal G Spot until you ecstatically vote Republican .

Now we all know nobody wants to fuck Trump in reality let alone his gold digging one expression plastic WestWorld wife Melania as at best he is what is known as a ‘Two Bagger’ ie an extra bag over his face in case the first one accidentally falls off during sex. This though is a great novelty, talking point and the perfect gift for an ex-boyfriend or somebody you don’t like or say an editor who won’t give you a pay rise!. They come in a multitude of different colours so they do look great and without question do work perfectly well as a satisfying ring stretching real cock replacing dildo. We believe they are not produced in an environmentally friendly manner to match with The Donald’s anti climate change flat earth stance and the maximum size available is 24″ which is known as The Fake News size as it actually comes in 12″ shorter. The Mike Pence and Boris Johnson Dildo’s were discontinued due to a surprising lack of sales but the Trudeau one’s we bought every single one.

The standard one is a 9″ dildo available in various colours including 3 different shades of Orange, quel surprise!. They are the brainchild of an artist who goes by Hutchtastic whom you can find online, she says sitting with her colorful array of Trump dicks ” Why Not Protest Trump By Putting Him Inside Of You,”. The San Franciscan artist is currently selling the ‘Trumpsicles’ as she calls them on Etsy and other sources. She says ‘Every dildo is hand-made from glitter and silicone and comes in a variety of colors so why not resist Trump by putting him inside you.” If the dildo is not enough for those of you who dream about the 45th President just as you hit your final vinegar strokes before ejaculation there are other items you can look for – Trump butt plugs, electric violet wands modeled after his tiny hands and a blow-up love doll of the egotistical Jabba The Hut lookalike are all freely available online now to make sure your sex life is as busy as a gay escort at the Republican Convention.

Its a great item for any Christmas stocking or birthday present and the residuals from this will be the Fanta faced idiots only source of income by the end of 2020 all being well. One important health note is not to use disinfectant as lube as although you will have a very clean hole probably smelling like an Alpine Forest your boyfriend and fuckbuddies cock will be very sore indeed and may shrivel up or possibly fall off. For those sub’s who find the dildo too hard to take up the chuff then the instruction manual suggests you take some Hydroxychloroquine tablets and then it will slide right up as fast as a Texan Governors tongue in 45’s butthole as they are well known as the cure for absolutely anything.

DICTIONARY DEFINITION of the word ‘Trump’

We at Alphatribe would have loved to share with you the link to buy these babies online, but for some reason unexplained they are no longer available … we’ll all just have to dream about it.
– ‘Trump’ is a One Thousand year old Old English Anglo Saxon word originating in about the 9th Century to mean Fart, break wind, cut the mustard, drop your guts and it is the passing of a number of air bubbles through the anus which sometimes smell unpleasant …….correction they always smell unpleasant except David Becham’s whose farts smell like heaven to us.

Master

Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.

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