QAnon are the right-wing nut jobs who believe all sorts of dipshit stuff like we are all ruled over by a group of giant lizards, Tom Hanks and Hillary Clinton drink the blood of sacrificed children and that Donald Trump (known as Q+) is the hero of our times…basically they will swallow any old drivel or nonsense they see on the web and pass it forward as the only correct version as they are all experts. Fact checking is of no interest as Buck and Karen from Arkansas who have to look up a manual on how to wipe their asses each morning have all the inside knowledge on absolutely everything there is to know and have no need of experts. Therefore, it is no surprise that idiot Central have turned their attention to the all-important lifesaving vaccine roll-out now coming to a clinic near you and freeing us all from the pandemic stating repeatedly that if you take the Pfizer/Moderna/Oxford-AstraZeneca jab in the arm then you will be sucking huge cocks by nightfall.

The definition of Qanon is as follows – QAnon, or simply Q (which we think is short for queer as there is no doubt all these overly posturing ‘white supremist’  macho supporters are into ass on the quiet), is a disproven and discredited far-right conspiracy theory alleging that a secret cabal of Satan-worshipping, cannibalistic paedophiles is running a global child sex-trafficking ring and plotted against former U.S. president Donald Trump while he was in office. According to U.S. prosecutors, QAnon members are commonly called a cult …..and that is spelt with an ‘N’. QAnon commonly asserts that Trump has been planning a day of reckoning known as the “Storm”, when thousands of members of the cabal will be arrested making him a bit like a racist, pussy grabbing, overweight, small dicked Thanos. Their views are so far off to the right that Steve Bannon, Fucker Carlson and Breitbart would say they were a bit too wacky and out there even for them and they will swallow any old recycled BS. The Q famously believed that the headquarters of the satanic child cannibals was the basement of a New York Pizza restaurant.. …the pretty underwhelming ‘Comet Ping Pong Pizzeria’. The only trouble is that eatery has never even had a basement let alone room for any other gathering but facts never get in the way of a QAnon conspiracy theory. Simply everything they have foretold and predicted over the last 4 years with allied dates they have named has not happened yet of course they have an excuse for each non-happening which are often highly entertaining and always tenuous. At least Nostradamus got a few things on point occasionally whereas these knuckle draggers are about as accurate as a twinks cumshot or a Spanish train timetable and it seems their followers who all have loads to say at high volumes only seem to share one brain cell between them and unfortunately someone lost that in their Sisters pussy while fucking it as she was researching the word dentist back in 2017. QAnon were in most reporters’ eyes of course a central part of the January 6th insurrection in the US capitol building which they of course believed was the beginning of ‘The Storm’.

All conspiracies need to start somewhere and this one is great. In one of those bouts of massive irony that would always pass over the horned hat wearing ranks of Qanon who are intrinsically racist and Islamophobic they are now keen to spout comments of a Muslim cleric and his supporters when it comes to attacking another of their major targets, namely us LBGTQ members.  In a rant on Telegram, Ayatollah Abbas Tabrizian ,an Iranian cleric who is known for his vitriol against Western medicine, said that the people who have received COVID vaccine “have become gays”. “These jabs i know have made individuals turn gay,” he claimed, asking people to keep their distance from “these individuals”. Tabrizian then told his 180,000 Telegram followers to steer clear from those vaccinated against the coronavirus as they have “become homosexuals”. This was then joined by another account with 56,000 subscribers.

Then others who like metaphorically kicking gays and the LBGTQ community whenever they get the chance jumped on the bandwagon. Rabbi Daniel Asor then sparked controversy after claiming that anti-COVID-19 vaccines “can make people gay.” The Rabbi shared conspiracy theories with his followers, claiming that the vaccines are manufactured by a “global malicious government,”. Asor’s claimed that the “malicious government” is a mix of “secret societies,” including the Illuminati, and the Freemasons (yeah let’s bring in as many wacko conspiracy groups and key trigger words as we can…remember people worship and follow these idiots who have absolutely no medical training whatsoever and only have real live experience probably from getting BJ’s from young choir lads. ‘The secret societies seek to establish a new order in the world, he claimed . The Rabbi described global institutions, including the World Health Organization and vaccine developers, such as Moderna and Pfizer as “criminals,” who presented fake data and of course at this time the braindead over at Qanon lunatic central pricked their interbred ears up and piled in taking it global. 

The Qanon tribe of leaky douchebags loved this stuff and ran with it all over their groups and the social media they are left on as if it was their own research and their 3 Million followers lapped it up. One proudly said ‘I will never get the vaccine now I know it turns you Gay’ and another said ‘It’s now been “proven” if you get vaccinated it will make you queer, stop the vaccine roll out now’. Some of the AT team who have had the jab will confirm this to be incorrect and that they did not start getting interested in Tits and the smell of two-day old fish.

BBC reporter Shayan Sardarizadeh lead the opposing attack and uploaded screenshots Worldwide from the right-wing social media platform Telegram of QAnon supporters spewing the debased, unscientific theory that the vaccines cause people to be LGBT+. She thoroughly disproved their theories that seem to have grown into other vaccination types as Q conspiracies always get embellished with each repost. So, it seems the vaccine won’t actually turn us all onto team Eurovision and start our long fruitful life of dark room abuse, great taste in clothes, putting RuPaul on our TiVo boxes, having better AND MUCH MORE sex and taking it up the ass daily….which after all is where a man’s G-spot is so medically it would seem that straight men have got it all definitely wrong and need to start discovering the wonders of their anus’s fast.  

Just in case QAnon are correct (and that would be a World first) we would be very much in favour if Channing Tatum, Adam Levine, Dwayne Johnson, David Beckham and Rob Gronkowski should be prioritised in their nations vaccine queue’s immediately as having them ‘turn gay’ from just one small prick would be seen as big win for a happier World. 

Seriously though all sensible scientific evidence and top medical experts are fully behind all the current vaccines out there. They have all been approved by the World Health Organisation and your own territories most stringent health testing bodies and policies so they are a safe thing to have and any readers that have ‘anti vaccination’ concerns we advise should speak to a medical professional ASAP to be reassured and to get quality information from a proper respected source to then make an informed decision. Let’s face it the vaccine is better than catching Covid 19 and we have all lost too many great people to this disease as well as our family and fetish lives to the pandemic and the only logical and clear way out is through vaccinations. QAnon will of course move on and will next claim that Harry Potter, Nicki Minaj and that cat who plays the piano on You Tube are Russian spies, Bill Gates wants to put a microchip in every bottle of lube, Dolf Dietrich and Drew Dixon are straight men who hate cock and cannot abide the taste of cum, The Crown is an extremely realistic TV show and that Mitch McConnell is heavily into baking and designing dresses for Lindsey Graham. 


Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.


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