When a soldier in the British military makes a mistake, he is ordered to take a penalty. That might involve running around a field five times while carrying a weight, doing a hundred press-ups, or something equally menial like painting a load of coal white. But one of the oldest punishments is to be ‘blackballed’ by officers or his fellow squaddies.
Blackballing dates back more than 900 years. The practice involves holding down the grunt while his cock and balls are cold shaved very roughly. That leaves many small nicks and cuts all over his uniformed ‘meat and two veg’. After shaving, his stick and sacks are liberally coated in black boot polish. It stings like fuck and irritates for days – reminding him not to screw up again.
Over the years boot polish has been superseded by toothpaste which is even more painful. Today, sports rubs such as ‘Deep Heat’ are often used. The ointment is typically used to treat sprained muscles and joints and it hurts like a motherfucker at the best of times.
The infamous ‘biscuit game’ also originated in the military. However, it was not as a punishment but for fun. It’s since been adopted by sports teams and boarding schoolboys around the world. For the two gay men who don’t know the biscuit game: it’s where a group of guys stand in a circle and all jerk off onto a biscuit (cookie). In the UK, the last guy to bust his nut on the biscuit has to eat it with all the manspunk as well. (Editor’s note: In Australia it’s the first guy to blow. That might explain the relatively low proportion of early ejaculators down under.)
Whatever the game, there’s absolutely nothing gay about being in the military or on a sports team. ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell… just fuck!’