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GAY RETRIBUTION

All minorities are abused and have been down the ages and us lovely LBGT happy dance sex loving folk who wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it was willing & restrained in a dungeon of course have been targeted since sucking dick fell out of public fashion & acceptability way back in Roman times. There are many politicians and religious leaders who just hate everything we and the rainbow flag stand for (Read closeted) and repeatedly publicise how awful we are based on old scriptures or just their wacky interpretation of about 3 sentences in the Bible when they finally come up from air from rimming their choir boys or removing their condoms and drag in Linsey Graham’s Hotel Room.

The internet and 24 hour News has given them added visibility and us Homos are basically blamed for everything from earthquakes to The Cats filmed musical or the rubbish last episode of Game Of Thrones. Unfortunately for these loudmouth all-knowing homophobe bigots the queen that is Karma is a real REAL bitch and has a habit of turning things back right on these guys and bringing them to their knees publicly faster than Silver Steele or Dolf Dietrich in a Texan darkroom when Cutler X walks in. 

These are 4 of our favourite retributions but we would like to hear yours too so send them in to AT – just a paragraph of your own homophobic cockwomble getting their just deserts and deserved pay-off at the hands of the one true gay and kinkster loving Almighty himself. 


The Campaigner: Tony Perkins, Head of the Family Research Council – an American anti-gay, anti-Muslim, and anti-abortion group – believes that freak weather events are ‘God’s wrath’. Unfortunately for the man who believes in a fictional book and has views from the 1800s, his house recently flooded when a hurricane hit Baton Rouge, Louisiana. As the water rose to 10 feet (over three metres) in his home, Perkins had to escape in a canoe with his tail between his legs. Being on the other side of god’s wrath has softened his vile rhetoric somewhat. However, Perkins still believes that homosexuality should be criminalised, all gays should be stopped at the border and deported, and that gays are paedophiles. Let it rain, let it rain!

The Clergyman: Pastor James Manning is a lovely preacher in New York who believes that Jesus would stone homos and that gays plan to spread Ebola through Starbucks coffee. We are not talking about someone with a very high IQ here! Sadly, the good pastor had his church auctioned after he failed to pay his debts and taxes. Please don’t laugh he is a man of the cloth (though it might be a cum rag). Manning claims his church was exempt from taxes and he thought that also meant he didn’t have to pay his bills. Not only as dumb as fuck, he’s also a vile stain on mankind. The good pastor failed to respond to Alphatribe’s questions about the bible’s position on debtors.

The Protester: Until 2014, Fred Waldron Phelps Senior was the leader of the appalling Westboro Baptist Church and was the guy who originated the tag ‘god hates fags’. He also claimed that gays caused 9/11. Members of his church spend all their spare time picketing gay funerals and those of fallen military men. In 2014, Phelps died, disproving his theory that he was immortal. By then four of his family members had completely left the church and disowned Phelps and his wonky views. When victims of the church’s abuse decided to sue for distress, the Westboro Baptists settled out of court rather than undergoing a psychological test. We presume they would make The Joker look sane. When church members famously picketed a Foo Fighters concert, the band took to the back of a lorry and performed their ‘gayest’ song – Keep It Clean – in homoerotic outfits. The video of the performance has had over 4.1 million views. Whilst picketing a memorial to the victims of the shooting at Florida’s gay Pulse nightclub, the Westboro protesters were blocked from view by hundreds of straight locals. Fortunately, the Westboro Baptist Church has been dying on its well-fucked ass since the death of Mr Immortal himself.

The Politician(s): Bruce Barclay, former county commissioner for Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, was very anti-gay until he was forced to resign in 2008. Barclay was caught hiring male prostitutes and using hidden cameras to videotape at least 100 of the sexual encounters at his home. He claimed he spent up to US$1,500 on each shag. In 2010, Barclay he was sentenced to probation, monitoring, and community service for his crimes. We guess he was probably less than happy about the sentence – in jail he could have had as much bum fun as he wanted, and for free.

To be honest, we could have picked any one of thousands of politicians in this category. Just look up Ed Schrock, Steve Wiles, Ted Haggart, Troy King, George Rekers, and many others. And then there’s the entire Republican leadership which votes against gay rights by day and then heads straight to the nearest cruising spot or public toilet to suck a couple of dicks and take a load up the ass. In elite escorting circles the Republican National Congress is known as the one event of the year no working gay escort can miss. 

Master

Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.

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