Don’t be a dickhead (8/10)

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You can’t believe how many people go into a darkroom and hold a conversation. This is the fuck zone. If you want to catch up on the day’s events, stay in the bar rather than blocking the flow in the play area and putting a downer on the horny vibe. Which reminds us – don’t block the through routes – ever! The number of guys we see drop to their knees for sex in the most stupid of places is astonishing. It pisses everyone else off and the sex is always crap if you have people climbing over you to get by. And never take valuables into the darkroom. They will fall out of your pockets. Most of all, don’t ever get out your smartphone. It’s illegal, it’s rude, no-one wants the light from your screen ruining their night. We don’t want glaring screens in the cinema and we don’t want them in a darkroom.


Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.


What do you think?

Don’t hog slings (7/10)

Don’t assume BB (6/10)