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ANAL COVID TESTS ARE HERE AND ARE MORE EFFECTIVE

Covid has been with us for a year and although we have vaccinations now rolling out everywhere it is probably going to be with us forever like say Flu or colds and that we will just have to move into acceptance, testing and annual management. At the moment Covid tests are very quick and involve inserting a cotton wool bud into the back of your throat and then deep up your nose which many find somewhat painful. They are good but we need the most accurate test we can get to re-open everything safely, do overseas travel, work, socialise, go to gigs, enter clubs, leather bars and saunas and the most accurate test now officially is in the ass say scientists.

According to Chinese state TV, Beijing officials are now taking anal swabs from residents in neighbourhoods with confirmed cases, along with those in designated quarantine facilities. Doctors say the method, which sees the swab inserted about 3-5cm which is about 3 inches into the ass and then rotated 5 or 6 times, is more effective in detecting Covid-19. We suspected this was being put forward by Doctors Ashley Ryder, RJ Danvers or John Thomas or possibly a Professor Dolf Dietrich or Brian Bonds with degrees in G-spot massage and rosebud development from the University of San Fran ‘Crisco’ but no it is genuine medical experts and is approved by the World Health Organisation. ‘Such tests will help increase the detection rate of people infected with Covid-19, as traces of the virus linger longer in the anus or faeces than in the respiratory tract’ Li Tongzeng, a senior doctor from Beijing’s You’an Hospital, told CCTV. AT readers have long since known this as cum and piss can stay in an ass for several days with or without a butt plug or re-application.

He said ‘We found that some asymptomatic patients tend to recover quickly. It’s possible that there will be no trace of the virus in their throat after three to five days but the virus lasts longer from the samples taken from the patient’s digestive tract and excrement, compared to the ones taken from the respiratory tract. ‘If we conduct anal swabs for nucleic acid testing, it would increase the detection rates of patients and lower the chance of a missed diagnosis.’ Further research is being extensively carried out to the bicep at the medical facilities of Fisting Central & Club Inferno Extreme porn studios to help with ongoing research and the fight against the pandemic plus the just as worthy continuing sad plague of ungaped and un-prolapsed manholes.

Passengers arriving in Beijing and a group of more than 1,000 school children and teachers who were thought to have been exposed to the virus are among the people who’ve undergone anal swabbing, according to ‘Forbes’. Actually, Anal swaps have been used extensively in the pandemic since last Spring. A city official in Weinan, in northern Shaanxi province, referred to the case of a 52-year-old man whose symptoms included extended deep coughing. The man, who was confined to a centralized facility for medical observation due to being a close contact of another COVID-19 patient earlier in January, initially tested negative for coronavirus. But he was subsequently tested via an anal swab and confirmed to have the virus, the city official told a news conference.

The Chinese authorities did say that ‘nasal and throat testing would still be used along anal testing as the latter although better was not convenient’ (Perhaps Chinese authorities should consider visiting Darklands, Pig Week, Dore Alley or Sleazy Madrid to see that it is by far the most convenient, fast and fun way to do it and ‘anti-testers’ would be simply non-existent). They have now produced a very easy to follow set of printed instructions to check your own hole which have now been widely distributed to the public and World media.

News of the latest swabs left some social media users squirming and others booking flights immediately to the Far East, with many who underwent the test taking to China’s popular Twitter-like ‘Weibo’ platform to share jokes and comments about their experiences. ‘I’ve done two anal swabs, every time I did one, I had to do a throat swab afterwards – I was so scared the male nurse would forget to use a new swab’. Another joked: ‘Low harm, but extreme humiliation.’ A third said ‘It was much easier and less painful than having the swab so deep in my nose or throat and i preferred it’. Whilst a Mr Axel Abysse of J-Lube province said ‘ I lost 8 swabs, 3 gloves, a forceps, the instructions and my watch but got there in the end.

China has seen a recent minor spike in Covid cases although their vaccine programme is growing apace and for some reason there has been a massive increase in men over the age of 18 asking for daily tests and specifying due to shyness or embarrassment that they be conducted only by fit male nurses. The entire AT office has also insisted that this method be adopted as their faith in the other method has been dented by this News and they are keen to keep bringing you all the very best important features and stories from the International gay fetish scene…( and they are sluts). The expression ‘One up the bum, no harm done’ has never been more applicable.

Master

Written by Paul Stag

Paul is an international porn star and a long time editor for Alphatribe magazine.

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